jkgullo's Cancer Blog
July 17, 2008
| Getting Back In | Views: 63 |
It’s a little strange that lately I’d been trying to keep my distance from the whole subject of cancer. I had a check up last week with my oncologist. I was really grouchy beforehand. Stupid cancer, always rearing its ugly head just when things were going so well. Guess the chemo actually pushed me into menopause. My blood test results say that I’m post-menopausal. Quite a shock to learn this. I am 40. I never thought I’d be “done” with menopause when I was still at an age where I should have been thinking about whether or not I was “done” having children. I’m not complaining. The less estrogen my body produces, the better.
Looking back to the time I was diagnosed until today, I went through all the emotions while I was going through the battle to get the cancer out of my body. I screamed, I cried, I got angry, I drove my doctors crazy, I drove my husband and family crazy. I didn’t bottle anything up inside. I researched things on the computer all the time – and now I know why they tell you not to do this! But it was just too tempting to know that the information was out there and it was just at my fingertips. My husband had to pry me away from the computer a few times. I think everyone got to hear exactly what was going on in my head at the time. I didn’t hold back and now I’m trying to do the exact opposite. People ask me how I’m doing and I just reply that “I’m fine.” I know they want to know more about the cancer, but I just don’t want to think about it. I hate looking in the mirror since it’s another reminder of the surgery I have yet to get. If I want a breast, I will have to do this. And I am getting pretty tired of living with only one breast.
I’ve wanted to put everything behind me and try to move on. But I am now realizing that this might not be the best attitude to have. We can’t forget. We can’t be silent. There are too many others who are still in the middle of fighting this disease. There will be more beginning this fight tomorrow and in the future. We all have to tell our stories and share our struggles and our knowledge with the rest of the world.
So far, I’ve raised enough money to walk the 3-Day. I’m still getting more donations coming in. I’ll probably raise about $3,000 when it’s time to walk. It’s just a drop in the bucket compared to how much the Breast Cancer 3-Day and Susan Komen organizations receive, but it’s my drop! I hope I make a difference. Maybe my donations will go towards a few free mammograms for someone, or information pamphlets that get into the hands of someone who decides to do a self breast exam after reading the brochure. Whatever money I’ve helped raise will matter. It all matters. I want to continue trying to make a difference. As small or large as my contribution may be, I’m getting back into cancer – in a good way.
08.16.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Welcome back!
The one thing about the cancer club is that your membership never expires. It doesn’t matter the type, size or place anyone who has ever had a doctor say “you have cancer” is a life long member. I felt like a member from the first day, before I even understood “my cancer”. And I have found here that there is a bound that is different, but just as strong as friends and family. I was able to meet 3 people yesterday (read my last post) who have been through what I am going through and it was a true blessing, once a member always a member. Anytime you need or want to talk just come on down to the Blogforacure cafe.
Smile,
EyeCandy (Paul)
I wanted to jump and say ” we will always have a on going group having Cancer”
I have a group women that make Quilts for those having Chemo and other treatment. They make them with tender loving care. They get to keep them, knowing that some one cares, even though they may never meet them.
If I got off the subject sorry it is 2 in the morning in CA. So when you read this I will just be getting up, Maybe not. Lol.
“We need to take care of each other
When I read your previous post I didn’t look at the date of May 14. Was the ultrasound you took back then negative?
No matter how hard you try you can’t run away from it. It is always there. I lived almost 12 years with one breast and in November 2005 I lost the other one. I am not glad that I had cancer again but actually it is easier with no breasts than with just one.
If you can make just a few people feel a little better by what you do or say, then it has all been worthwhile.
Thank you for walking. $3,000 is a very good drop in the bucket.
My love, thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Joyce
Thank you for letting me know that your results were negative. I am so very happy for you.
I got a scare like that last year when they found a suspicious spot in my chest on a bone scan. I had a MRI but it was clean, thank God.
Take care. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Joyce